I feel that as each day passes, I add a new title under my belt. Digital Nomad. 120-TEFL Certified Teacher. International Teacher. Yoga Instructor. Online Yoga Studio Owner. Freelancer. Squarespace. Web Designer. Digital Course Creator. Blogger. Podcaster.

Recently, I’ve wanted to give up completely, go back home. My true Home being West Virginia. Honestly, that isn’t the best thing for me or my mental health right now, and I know that. I know that because I AM different. I’ve changed. I’ve grown. I let go of so many limiting beliefs about myself and others, and by going back home to live for an indefinite time, I know it will be a complete setback. I’m not understood, and I’m fine with that. But the constant reminder and the exhaustion I have felt with moving, traveling, panic, defending my actions and choices are not the battles I choose to fight right now with my family, strangers, and anyone else who comes along with questions and unsolicited advice.

Sure, when I had a bad time at college, I went back home for the weekend, when the recession hit, and there were no jobs when I graduated, I moved back home until I moved Miami shortly after. When I hit rock-bottom and had a horrible break-up and was broken-hearted and depressed, I went back home while living I was in D.C., but home in my early 30’s finding this newfound joy of permanent travel with all the ups and downs doesn’t seem right to me. It feels like it is the worst possible thing I can do at this time. Did I mention the pandemic, COVID-19? It’s like I can’t catch a break. Actually, the world can’t catch a break unless you are incredibly wealthy and famous to where you have the luxury of not checking your bank account or digging down in your wallet and purse counting your pesos (currently, I am in Mexico City, Mexico, hence to me counting pesos). Living in a world of COVID-19, a place I did not imagine myself being in. I know we all didn’t. My heart goes out to those who have died, those who lost their loved ones, those who lost their jobs, homes, and possessions.

Many nomad and travel influencers that I have met along the way have headed back “home” to their original home with their family. While I’m happy that the people I have met are safe, I still can’t help the frustration that I battle with that I, too, may need to go home. The disappointment also goes with my sense of entitlement and privilege of being an American. Americans expect things to be easy, even if you are dirt poor. Many Americans expect to do, go, act, say what we please without consequences. Unfortunately, I am a Black woman who grew up in WV, so I do not have those luxuries, but I would see it. I still see it. And it is still happening.

All in All, I feel for the people who are resilient like me. Knowing you have to make difficult choices and sacrifice what you believe in and parts of yourself for when things get so out of hand and out of control that you have no options at that time even after the last knock out.